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Archive for June, 2009

baby step

I took the long-awaited first step yesterday: started on birth control pills. Or, rather, started on N**varing, since my high blood pressure doesn’t make me a candidate for the actual pills. In any case, I got the go ahead to start, and so I did.

And now I wait.

I know from reading the IF blogs and boards that there’s a whole lot of waiting in the IVF process. And this wait isn’t one of the particularly stressful ones — I’m not counting down the minutes until a beta or an ultrasound. I’m simply waiting for the next step, the next medication, the baseline tests, the official starting gun.

But still, I find myself having to silence the little voice … the one that says What if the medications don’t work? What if you’re a poor responder? What if you don’t make it to retrieval, or to transfer? What if your eggs are too old? What if nothing fertilizes? What if, what if, what if?

And then I remember: this was just the first step, the babiest of baby steps. There are many more steps ahead of me. Injections to take, ultrasounds to watch, minutes and days and hours and weeks to wait.

So here I sit. Waiting.

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